U.S. MISTAKENLY SHIPPED MISSILE PARTS TO IRAN
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – The Air Force mistakenly shipped to Iran four electrical fuses designed for use on intercontinental ballistic missiles, the Pentagon said today. At a Pentagon news conference, Air Force Secretary Michael Wynne said the misshipped items may have also included plans on how to build nuclear weapons along with some yellow cake uranium. They were sent instead of what had been ordered by Iran, which were three pairs of jeans, a Big Mac and a Britney Spears CD.

Secretary of Defense, Condoleezza Rice said, “It is apparent that we now have evidence that Iran has restarted its nuclear weapons program. We must take action because we don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.” Rice stated that Iran has just three days to turn over all its weapons of mass destruction or the United States and its coalition of the willing, a group to be named later, will have to take immediate and decisive action. She indicated that she already has authorization from the UN and the United States Congress to use force if necessary. “We can use the previous authorizations we used on Iraq to invade Iran,” she said, “the intent of those documents was clear, there was just a typo where a ‘q,’ was used instead of an ‘n’ making it Iran that we should have invaded in the first place.”

President Bush was briefed on the shipping mishap. He said, “Couldn’t you have waited until I finished the end of reading My Pet Goat before we shock and awicate them A-rabs in Iran?”

Defense secretary Roberts Gates has ordered a full-scale investigation, naming Vice President Dick Cheney, John Bolton and Senators Joe Lieberman (I-CT) and John McCain (R-AZ) to investigate. “I want a non-partisan, level headed committee to study the issue and look toward a peaceful solution.”

“To get to the bottom of this,” said Vice President Cheney, “we may have to go to the dark side, if you will. I see no choice but to make a preemptive strike,” Cheney concluded, “which means, of course, that the world is in its final throes.”