GOP WINS NBC’S LAST REVEREND STANDING WITH SURPRISE HAGEE VICTORY
By R J Shulman
NEW YORK - In a shoot-out down to the wire finish, the Republican Party’s red team defeated the Democrat’s blue team when Reverend John Hagee out lasted Reverend Jeremiah Wright to be crowned this season’s winner of highly rated NBC’s Last Reverend Standing. The program pits men of the cloth against each other to see who can say the most offensive hateful comments in front of their congregations without getting knocked down by fierce media condemnation.

For years, the blue team had a lock on the prize with long time champions Reverend Jesse Jackson and Louis Farrakhan. This year looked like another certain win with a newcomer, the feisty Reverend Jeremiah Wright of Chicago. “When Reverend Wright said ‘God-Damn America’” said red team captain Karl Rove, “I thought we were a goner, but that comment even ticked off those liberal America-hating ACLU press types who said Reverend Wright was wrong.”

The red team had hoped that long time runner-up Ted Haggard could finally win this year. Haggard was scheduled to make a comeback after having to resign his post with the New Life Church of Colorado Springs last season after a gay sex scandal. “He had completed rehab that was supposed to set him straight,” said Reverend Duke Hubbard of the red team, “but when he was asked how the rehab went he said ‘fabulous’ so he had to be sent back to rehab for some tooling.”

Even worse for the red team was the death of one of their strongest players, Reverend Jerry Fallwell. “He was called upstairs by the Lord,” said red team coach Dick Cheney, “or perhaps called below by someone from the dark side, if you will.”

“But in true dramatic fashion," said Last Reverend Standing host Brian Dunkelman, “Reverend Hagee blurted out that the Catholic Church was ‘the great whore.’ Not only did the press give him a free pass, but Presidential hopeful John McCain actually embraced Hagee’s endorsement to his campaign. As Elvis would say,” concluded Dunkelman, “they were crying in the chapel.”