McCAIN CHOOSES RUNNING MATE: RELUCTANT GOP SUPPORTS CHOICE

by R J Shulman

BAGDAD, Iraq – John McCain announced today from Iraq where he is inspecting the progress of the surge, that he has selected his running mate, a two-hundred pound English Mastiff named Killer. “I need someone who's not be afraid to participate in a dog fight,” he said. “and I want someone who will be able to take a bite out of terror. Killer has both those qualities and the killer instinct, of course.

”We think this is a winning ticket,” said a McCain spokesperson, “McCain and Killer, the dogs of war, of a hundred year war.” “He has been well trained,” said Phil Kaiser, a GOP spokesman, “and can read My Pet Goat faster than you know who or was that he can eat a pet goat faster than you know who.”

Not all Republicans were pleased with the surprise choice. “We were shocked at first,” said Wayne Greist, of the Republican National Committee, “were hoping he would choose something more in line with the Republican base, like a rotweiller or a pit bull. Mastiffs can be a little too mellow and could wuss out like a Democrat.”