McCAIN TO CHANGE NAME TO McCANT TO BATTLE
OBAMA’S MESSAGE OF HOPE
By R J Shulman

WASINGTON - In a move to better define his position on the issues, Senator John McCain announced today during his meeting with President Bush that he will change his name from John McCain to John McCant. “Barak Obama’s message of hope is downright dangerous,” McCain said, “letting just anyone think that they can succeed will lead to anarchy.”

“Senator Obama is playing a cruel joke on the American people and honest John McCain is coming to the rescue,” said Harry Wabash, a McCain campaign chairman until he recently resigned in the wake of an indictment for fraud, “because unless you are already rich, all this talk of hope will give people a false sense of, you got it, hope.”

President George Bush with his arm around his former rival said of McCain, “I endorseicate this man with the no-can-do attitude even if I had to kick his ass to the curb in South Carolina in 2000. He has shown growth by kiss my ass so much my cheeks hurt, heh-heh. But most important he has assuricated me that he won’t pull my legacy by making sure he keeps up the fight on the Shiites and the Sheehans in our war on terror that we brought to Iraq. Besides,” Bush concluded, “John stands for the Republican three “Rs” that keeps getting’ us electicated at the polls on election time, Racism, Religion and Wrath.”