BUSH SHOCKED BY FOUR DOLLAR A GALLON GAS: HEY, WERE’S MY CUT?
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – During a press conference about passing the domestic spying bill, President Bush was caught off guard when a reporter mentioned in passing that some top analysts have predicted four dollar a gallon gas prices. “Say what?” the President responded. “No one tole me them gas prices were so high. Dick told me they were still about a buck and a half. What I want to know is that if they are so high, how come my royalty checks is still so low?

When further questioned about his lack of knowledge of what average Americans have to pay at the pump, Bush said, “Last time I had to pump my own gas, I was so smashed I put the hose through the car winda.’ Hell if I knew what any pricing was.” When asked about any suggested relief for the American people, Bush said, “I guess they’ll have to get a motorcade like me with some friends from south of the border to pumpicate their gas or I suppose they could help out my jobs created numbers by gittin’ three jobs. I’d ask my dad for answers,” Bush added, “but he is too busy being marvelcated by them grocery store thingys that go beep and show those pesticated Mexican food prices on the little green screen.”