McCAIN DENIES RELATIONSHIP WITH FEMALE LOBBYIST
By R J Shulman
TOLEDO, Ohio – Senator John McCain denied allegations today that he had an illicit affair with Vicki Iseman, a 41 year old lobbyist. A story in the New York Times alleged that McCain assisted one of Ms. Iseman’s clients, Paxon Communications with one of his congressional committees and the FCC.

Looking directly into the camera and pointing a finger, McCain said, “I did not have sex with that woman. I am not a crook. I am the decider and I decided that I did nothing wrong. Now, is that kind of friggin’ straight talk Presidential enough for you?”

“The thought of McCain having sex with a lobbyist is truly disgusting,” said Janet Robbins, a bookkeeper from Jerome, Arizona, “not because it was adulterous, but because old man McCain having sex is one image I need to get out of my head as quickly as possible.”

“I believe that John is telling the truth about not having sexual relations with Ms. Iseman,” said former President Bill Clinton. “As everybody knows, the whole purpose of having an affair is to do it with someone who looks completely different than your wife and Ms. Iseman and Cindy McCain could be twins.”

“This is a non-story cooked up by the vast left-wing conspiracy of the liberal press,” said talk show host Rush Limbaugh, “A man’s private life is no one else’s business. The leftist media would serve itself well by covering stories that have a vital impact on our national interests, like for example, what Bill really said to Hillary about Monica.”