BUSH ON FISA BILL: STOP FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS AGAINST PATRIOTIC PHONE COMPANIES
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – President Bush urged the House today to support the FISA bill passed by the Senate which grants immunity retroactively and in the future to telecommunications companies that spy on American citizens, regardless if such spying violates the Constitution. “What the American people must understand,” the President said, “is we can’t have sue-happy trial lawyers stop our glorious phone folks from being able to protecticate the American people from their biggest enemy – the American people.”

“How else could we know what Obama will do after 9-11,” Bush told the House, “he could be stateegerizing to over take the decider role and end my royal Presidency. Also, without tapping the wires and dropping the eaves, we could never be in the know whether Roger Clemens took some female growth hormones which threatens to have our national pastime be ruined by terrorist drug pushers.”

“One person’s misguided need to hide something,” said White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, “can’t trump the government’s right to secretly get that information to help protect us from terrorist enemies, while no person’s misguided need to know information can trump the government’s right to keep secrets for National Security.”
“If the House does the right thing and signs the new FISA bill,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “then I can say in all honesty, if you will, that privacy is in its last throes.”