JUDGE GRANTS CUSTODY OF BRITNEY SPEARS CHILDREN TO ANGELINA JOLIE
By R J Shulman
HOLLYWOOD – In a ruling that came as a complete surprise, Judge Marvin Wallace granted custody of Britney Spears two children, Sean Preston and Jayden James to Angelina Jolie. “It’s in the best interest of the children,” the Judge said, fighting back the tears, “I mean what boys wouldn’t want their mother to be Angelina Jolie?” Speculation was that custody of the children would be granted to the father Kevin Federline, but that came into doubt when Larry Burkhead claimed he was the father, followed by seventeen other claims. “That battle could take years,” said Judge Wallace, “and I just wanted this long national nightmare to be over.”

Hundreds gathered at the courthouse to hear the final decision. “I was so shocked when he didn’t award the babies to me,” said Madonna, “Now that bitch has more kids than me.” “I can’t believe this,” said one tearful Britney supporter, “I wish everyone would just leave Britney alone.”

The two boys will join nineteen other children from five continents and two penguins from Antarctica that have been adopted by Angelina and Brad Pitt. Jolie was unavailable for comment as she was suffering a black eye from being punched in the face by Jennifer Anniston who had applied for custody of the children first.