ROMNEY CHALLENGES McCAIN TO A DUEL
By R J Shulman
LOS ANGELES – Shortly after their televised debate ended at the Ronald Reagan Library, Mitt Romney and John McCain began a heated argument that ended when Romney challenged McCain to a “good old-fashioned manly duel.” “I think they were arguing about who could kill more people in wars if they were the President,” said Clive Haggerty, a CNN staffer who was dismantling equipment when he heard the two candidates yelling at each other. “Romney said McCain was too old to pull the trigger,” Haggerty said, “Then McCain popped a few pills, I think they were Viagra, and then said he’d start by killing all of Romney’s freaking Mormon wives, but he didn’t actually say freaking, if you know what I mean. Then next think you know they were choosing weapons.”

“If I should be the loser,” Romney told the Sun Times Post Dispatch,” I told John to make sure to keep the Iraq war going strong, cut taxes to the rich and say bad things about Hillary.” The duel will be carried by VH1 in an episode of their reality show, “America’s Next Top Super President.”

“A duel is less costly than putting on all those primaries,” said an approving Ron Paul. “Whoever bites the bullet,” said Mike Huckabee, “I know where they’re going and it won’t involve harps and clouds.” “I guess I quit one week too early,” said Rudy Giuliani, “as I’d like to shoot both of those lily-livered sons-a-bitches.”