BUSH’S NEW STIMULUS PACKAGE: BRING BACK SLAVERY
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - President George W. Bush announced a sweeping economic stimulus package to bring the United States back from it’s current woeful economic state by reinstating slavery. “The only way to competicate with all that cheap low-cost inexpensive labor in China is to have even more cheaper labor, and that cheaper labor is slavery.” “Forclosin’ back the land is too slow,” Bush continued, “so I can more immedicate the situation by un-proclomating the emancipation proclamation.”

“These people,” said Barbara Bush who toured an area in Detroit hard hit by unemployment, “are very underprivileged, so this should work out very well for them.” The stimulus package includes massive tax breaks for the ultra rich, allowing child labor, and suspending costly OSHA safety rules and anti-pollution laws. “The President can get a buy-in from the American people,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “by giving out an IRS rebate of about 20 pieces of Silver.”