WITH CAMPAIGN FUNDS RUNNING LOW, GIULIANI CALLS 911
By R J Shulman
BOCA RATON, Florida – When Rudy Giuliani discovered that he was low on funds for his Presidential campaign, he first asked his staff to work without pay and then called 911. “He looked at the polls and the money that Mitt Romeny had,” said an unnamed staffer, “and then started screaming ‘911, 911, why the hell can’t I get help from 911?’”

Giuliani had not actively campaigned in Iowa or New Hampshire, as he was banking on a big win in Florida. “He’s using the Bush 2000 strategy,” said W. Bill Williams, a political analyst, “which is to steal Florida to come out on top. He was planning to appeal to the former New Yorkers who had moved down to Florida to escape the cold weather and all the reports of the exploits of Giuliani’s various mistresses.” With his campaign collapsing, Giuliani was last seen running around the streets of Boca Raton with a bull horn.