NEW STUDY SHOWS CHENEY NOW MORE SCARY TO KIDS THAN CLOWNS
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - In this year’s study on who scares children the most, the Federal Office of Children’s Health announced that the number one most frightening person is Vice President Dick Cheney. “The number two most scary figure has changed over the years,” said FOCH spokesperson Dennis Chambers, “you know one year it’s a dentist, then Khrushchev, the boogie man or even Santa. This is the first time since this survey began 55 years ago that anyone has been scarier than a clown.”

“When the picture of Cheney was shown, there was so much crying, screaming and peeing that we had to stop the test,” said Francine Manelli, a survey facilitator, who told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, “we may have to rethink doing this study all together.” “I should have known not to agree to have my Tommy tested,” said a parent who chose to remain anonymous, “because any government that thinks torture is OK, would have no problem scaring the beJesus out of our little ones.”