CHENEY TO STAR IN NEW VERSION OF “IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE”
By R J Shulman
HOLLYWOOD – Danton International Pictures announced today that Vice President Dick Cheney will star in a remake of the 1946 Frank Capra classic It’s a Wonderful Life. “He plays the main role in this new modern realistic version,” said Sid Kleinsteinowitz, President of DIP Studios, “In this version the hero is actually master banker, Mr. Potter, who is able to consolidate all the banks in New Bedford and helps keep the poor people poor, because everybody knows now that poor people are poor because they want to be poor.”

“It’s about time that Hollywood stopped all that liberal communistic propaganda and shows American values for what they really are, that the rich and powerful should be obeyed and do-good suckers should get their just deserts,” said Cheney, “and with the release of this film, if you will, I believe philanthropy is in it’s final throes.”

The role of nice-guy small savings and loan banker George Bailey, who in this modern version actually does drown to no big fanfare, has not been cast, although the studio is leaning toward either Al Gore or Jimmy Carter. “We want someone who today’s audience can identify as a futile misguided character who can be mocked and ridiculed,” said Kleinsteinowitz.