TANCREDO PRESIDNTIAL BID TANKS
By R J Shulman
DES MOINES, Iowa – Presidential hopeful Tom Tancredo, the Colorado congressman who ran on an anti-immigration platform that often targeted Mexicans has ended his Presidential bid amidst charges of a vast scheme against him. “Those name calling Islmofascist Mexican loving Democrats have blocked me at every turn,” he told loyal supporters early today at a suburban Des Moines shopping center. “No matter whether it was Mason City or Cedar Falls, I could never get a clean sheet at a hotel, or a clean plate at a restaurant. What made matters worse was how can you run a campaign if your nannies keep leaving you high and dry?”

Tankredo pointed out that no one would check him out at the Wal-Mart when he tried to buy some Salsa made in New York City. “This is part of the vast Clinton conspiracy against me to keep the real issue of illegal immigrants off the discussion table.” Tankredo was last seen outside of Lincoln, Nebraska trying in vain to get a tow truck driver to move his broken down “Anti-Immigration” van to a gas station.