MYSTERIOUS FIRE BREAKS OUT IN GOVERNMENT BUILDING
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - Early this morning, a fire broke out at the Eisenhower Executive Building near the White House. The building houses government offices including the ceremonial office of the Vice President. While the fire was quickly put out, the cause of the blaze is still unclear.

One report says the cause of the flames was when some clothing caught fire. “One minute that pretty lady, Dana Perino was in the building writing to the New York Times that the Bush Administration didn’t know anything about the destruction of CIA tapes,” said Wilma Johnston, a government worker, “and the next thing you know the pants from her pants suit just bust out in flames.”

One unconfirmed report said the fire broke out in Dick Cheney’s office after workers detected the smell of sulfur. “It smelled like hell in there,” said janitor Jose Smith, “then poof!”

Another unconfirmed report said that it was an electrical fire caused when the circuits got overloaded. “Don’t blame me,” said Brewster McDill a White House staffer, “they told me to plug in and turn on the humongous new Shredmaster 3000 and that’s when the lights dimmed. Shoot, you could lose an arm in that baby.”

“I believe the fire started in an electrical closet,” said one reliable source. “With my own eyes I spotted Senator Larry Craig coming out of that closet and he said to me, ‘I am not flaming. I have never been flaming.’”

The Post Times Sun Dispatch has learned that authorities are now looking into the possibility that the fire was caused by workers trying to burn an old audio tape of President Dwight D. Eisenhower that told Americans to beware of the Military Industrial Complex.