RATINGS WEAK FOR AMERICA’S MOST SMARTEST TOP MODEL PRESIDENT OF OUR PEOPLE REALITY SHOW
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – Despite being on all the major TV networks, ratings for the reality show America’s Most Smartest Top Model President Of Our People, better known as POOP, has fallen below that of The Runway, Top Chef, Tela Tequila’s Shot at Love and even America’s Next Top Beautician. “I think people are just sick of watching POOP on their TV all day,” said Lila Iltis of Daily Variety, “which is a shame for the show as the finale is still so far away.”

The show pits candidates from a red team and a blue team against each other until the winning member from each team competes in a grand finale in November 2008. “Part of the reason for the show’s poor showing,” said Wayne Gibbons,” of TV Guide, “is that the field, especially on the red team is so lame.”

Early red team front-runner Rudy Giuliani has been slipping lately as it becomes apparent that he lacks good judgment and that his own family does not support him. Mike Huckabee is making great progress, but it is doubtful that he will survive once it becomes known he is an ordained evangelical reverend who does not believe in evolution and thinks serial rapists should be let out of jail to make room for those who test HIV positive. John McCain, the oldest candidate has clearly been suffering from flashbacks to a time when he was relevant. Tom Tancredo is convinced that illegal aliens will soon be entering the race, while Mitt Romney seems to be willing to say anything to win.

The blue team is scarcely better. Front runner Hillary Clinton has been slipping in popularity, with some thinking she is really a spy from the red team. “I don’t like Barack Obama’s chances,” said Fox TV commentator Bill O’Reilly, “as I am not sure American is ready for a black man who dresses well, is articulate and hasn’t said to my knowledge, ‘pass me the MF tea.’” John Edwards is on his second try, having lost in last season’s finale, Bill Richardson comes from New Mexico, which may not even be a real state, while Dennis Kucinich has the weird notion that being honest will get him the victory.

“I want to know more about white girls missing in Aruba,” said Clem Stump, a 43 year old pipe fitter from Cleveland, Ohio who echoes many who have tuned out POOP. “I don’t care about POOP either,” said Willard Schmotz who works with Stump, “just give me a show that explains to me what happened to Anna Nicole Smith’s hooters after they buried her. I'll watch that.”