WHERE WAS GEORGE W. BUSH WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE NATIONAL GUARD? NEW REPORT SAYS HE WAS IN MANCHURIA
By R J Shulman

CHANGCHUN, CHINA – A 35 year-old document released for the first time may shed some light on the controversy surrounding the whereabouts of young George W. Bush in 1972 when he was supposed to report for duty in the Alabama National Guard. The documents released by the Chinese government indicate that Bush spent a few weeks in a cave near this picturesque Manchurian city.

“He was undergoing some top secret training,” said James P. Montgomery of the State Department. “Apparently, the Manchurians thought he’d make a good candidate for a future mission. They put him under sedation,” Montgomery continued, “and fed him the same phrases over and over again.” The Post Times Sun Dispatch has learned that some of the phrases that were drilled into Bush’s brain were “stay the course,” “mission accomplished,” and “would you rather fight them over there or fight them over here.”

“What we have little to go on as to what the training was for,” said Willard Chasen, a government official who helped translate the documents, “we know it had nothing to do with the Viet Nam war which was raging at that time, because Bush learned absolutely nothing from that conflict.”

“Come to think of it,” said the President’s mother, Barbara Bush, “he did seem different when he came back home that summer. Before he left he got such pleasure out of setting stray cats on fire. When he returned, he kept saying something about setting the world on fire.”