BILL O’REILLY ARRESTED FOR ACTING “GHETTO” AT A WAL-MART ON BLACK FRIDAY
By R J Shulman
WESTCHESTER, New York – Fox TV commentator Bill O’Reilly was arrested at a Super Wal-Mart in this New York suburb for unruly behavior. “This fat old bald white guy comes up to my counter,” said Coretta Griffith a Wal-Mart clerk, “and says ‘gimmie one of dem muthafuckin ipods or I be putting a cap in yo ass.' So I called security.”

“They must be confused,” said O’Reilly after his release on bail, “How could Black Friday mean something about special Holiday sales. Everyone knows the War on Christmas has ended shopping as we know it. I thought Black Friday was a day to give us white Americans an opportunity to show our knowledge of our Black American brothers and sisters by acting as they would.” O’Reilly faces a fine of up to one thousand dollars and a 30 day jail sentence. “I know the man is after my white ass,” O’Reilly said, “cause how is dis brutha gonna come up with bling like that.”