BARRY “BAIL” BONDS TO HAVE ASTERISK NEXT TO RECORD
By R J Shulman
SAN FRANCISCO – Slugger Barry Bonds will have an asterisk next to his record in the records books, according to Major League Baseball officials. “His 19 RBL’s will be marked,” said Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, “due to massive steroid use.” RBLs in baseball are the number of Really Bad Lies uttered by a player to a grand jury. Bonds has been accused of lying in front of a federal grand jury in 2003 when he said he did not knowingly use performance enhancing drugs.

“If this was politics,” said Bond’s personal trainer and long time friend Greg Anderson, “Barry wouldn’t be facing jail, he’d be facing a promotion.” When asked about his indictment, Bond said, “I ain’t gonna start bawling, if that’s what your after, ‘cause there’s no crying in baseball.”