BILL O’REILLY: THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS IS STARTING EARLIER EVERY YEAR
By R J Shulman
NEW YORK, New York - The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch has learned that Bill O’Reilly of Fox News will report that he has proof that this year the War on Christmas will be well underway earlier than ever. “In fact,” O’Reilly says, “these Christ haters will start firing their ammo for the first time before Thanksgiving. These evil devil worshipers are so despicable,” O’Reilly said, “that they want to soil a most sacred and holy day with crass and vulgar secular attacks.” O’Reilly will point out that the Christmas attackers this year have enlisted the stage hands union, who have targeted the Broadway production of “The Grinch who Stole Christmas,” which has now been cancelled.

“I think O’Reilly is worrying about nothing,” said William Forrest of the Observer, “because I can’t imagine the War on Christmas being anymore successful than the War on Poverty, the War on Drugs or the War on Terror.”