CHENEY TO DONATE HIS HORNS TO THE SMITHSONIAN
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Vice President Dick Cheney announced today that after his term in office is over, he will donate his horns to the Smithsonian. Speculation was that he was going to either give them to the British Museum or sell them to the highest bidder on EBAY. “After I leave the office of Vice President which is not part of the executive branch, “Cheney told reporters, “I just want to relax with the fruit of my labors and shrink from sight, if you will. Besides these damn things get in the way of wearing hats and getting through doorways.”

“This is a real victory for the Smithsonian,” said Trevor Harding of the Museum, “many Americans will want to view the horns that apparently had the power to make an ordinary young man from a small town in Wyoming be able to avoid the draft five times, survive five heart attacks and amass power and fortune beyond most anyone’s wildest dreams.” The horns will go on display as soon as Cheney leaves office, which is scheduled for January 10, 2009 or longer if some “things should come up,” according to a Cheney spokesman.