NATIVE AMERICAN CANDIDATE FOR TRIBAL PRESIDENT CHIDED FOR OFFERING AMNESTY TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS
By R J Shulman
PLYMOUTH, Massachusetts – With the election for President of the Tsirf Nacarema Tribe just one week away, candidate Henry John’s position on illegal immigration may have cost him the lead. John, who had said he was in favor of granting amnesty to the illegals who had entered the land from Europe and other parts of the world, has recently back pedaled on his position after stiff opposition. “I didn’t mean complete amnesty,” John said later, “I would make them take a test about how to take care of the land, and only let the ones in who could pass that test.” John supporters say that maybe Al Gore and a couple of others would be allowed in.

John’s opponent, Clifton Noitidart said that he has never wavered from the position of his ancestor Tall Bear who had warned the tribe not to kill that damn turkey for the immigrants, let alone sit down and eat with them. Noitidart says he will offer a plan to protect the borders and rid the land of the illegal aliens who have brought disease, crime and an uncivilized culture.