WHITE HOUSE THANKSGIVING TURKEY TO BE HELD FOR INTERROGATION
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Contrary to tradition, this year’s Presidential Thanksgiving Turkey will not be pardoned, but will be held for questioning. “I don’t mean to beat a dead drumstick, but something is afoul in the barnyard,” said President George W. Bush, “and I mean to get abreast of any terror information we can get. After we knock the stuffing out of the turkey and get everything on our wish bone list, we will render the turkey to Turkey and what information they can obtainigate at that point will be gravy.” The CIA says that they are fully prepared to gobble up any pertinent data they can get.

“For those of you who think the President is winging it when it comes to homeland security,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “you should remember that torture is the President’s meat and potatoes.” However, the Post Times Sun Dispatch has learned that any questioning will have to wait until the turkey recovers from shotgun wounds. “It’s a bit odd,” said an unnamed White House spokesperson, “but it’s usually Dick Cheney’s friends who get full of buckshot, not some animal they’re hunting.” “It was an accident,” said the Vice President, “as I had planned to give the bird to the American people.”