IN COST CUTTING MOVE, BUSH CANCELS 2008 ELECTION
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – In a step to lessen the national deficit, President George W. Bush announced today that he has called off the Presidential elections of 2008. “Elections cost mucho money and a lot of expensive pork,” Bush told reporters, “especially having to count the votes they way we want to. Besides,” he continued, “elections are where people vote with a ballot box to decide on a decider, but what the American people must understand is that I’m already the decider and I’ve decided that their previously decided decider, which is me, has already been decided and being that there is no reason to re-decide, I’ve decided to call the whole thing off.”

“The money that would have to cover preparing and holding the election,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “is better spent fighting terrorists over there in Iraq rather than in talking about terrorists over here in Presidential debates.” “People don’t really care if Romney is a Christian, Hillary is a lesbian or if Giuliani is a human,” said Wylie Connors of the American Heritage Foundation, “Americans are more interested in voting in the next American Idol.”

After hearing that the President had cancelled the upcoming election, Vice President Dick Cheney who was hunting with friends, lowered his rifle and said, “it is clear, if you will, that the insurgents are in their final throes.” “I was glad they told Dick when they did,” said hunting buddy Lawrence Frazer, a Dallas attorney, “as the President’s announcement turned out to be a real face saver.”