PRESIDENT VETOES PEACE AND GOODWILL BILL
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – President Bush has vetoed a bill passed by Congress in time for the Christmas holidays that would have granted peace and goodwill not only to all men but to all women and children. “This legislation was filled with too much fatty pork,” Bush said, “peace and good will are expensive enough for men, let alone adding every Tom, Dick and Harriet, so it has fallen on me to have to be the responsible one, therefore I'm negitating such irresponsive spending like a drunken sailor in china shop.”

“The President is doing the right thing,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “because the last thing we need is socialized peace and good will. If some anti-Americans are so anxious for peace and good will to cover everyone, they can move to Canada or Sweden.”

“I believe,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “that sometimes to get peace and good will among men you have to go to the dark side, if you will, and trying to provide peace and good will to women and children who have not earned it would be a waste of time in the dark side, even for me.”

“I guess peace and good will are just like the Chicago Cubs,” said Senator Feingold of Wisconsin, “we’ll just have to wait ‘till next year.”