ANGRY IOWANS ABOUT TO SITCK IT TO THE REST OF THE COUNTRY
By R J Shulman
DES MOINES, Iowa – Andy Warhol once said that everyone gets fifteen minutes of fame. For Iowans, it gets one day, and that is today. The Post Times Sun Dispatch’s latest poll just hours before the critical caucus process begins, show that 85% of Iowans are madder than a wet hen and are going to do something about it.

“If we have to suffer here in the heartland,” said Fritz Mulder, a grain salesman from Shenandoah, Iowa, “I am going to make sure I vote for someone who will make everyone else suffer.” The sentiment was shared by Flossie McBride, a dental assistant from Mason City who said, “it will be hard to top George Bush, but we Iowans will work hard to send another colossal disaster to Washington.”

“Iowans have a deep seated anger toward the rest of America,” said psychologist Robert Ronan of Des Moines. “They resent the snotty attitudes of those that think Iowa is little more than a ‘fly over’ state made up of pig farmers and slow talking nitwits. Even when those fancy Hollywood folks try and feature the Midwest, they’ve passed up Iowa in favor of Oklahoma or Kansas as in the Wizard of Oz.”

“I am not going to throw my vote away on someone who has no chance to really mess things up in the world,” said Hank Buss of Fort Dodge. “If our neighbor Missouri is the ‘show-me’ state, then Iowa will be the ‘we’ll show you’ state after the votes are counted.”