BUSH TOUTS 2007 AS YEAR OF MISSION ACCOMPLISHMENTS
By R J Shulman
CRAWFORD, Texas – President Bush ended the year by issuing a statement from his ranch in Crawford, Texas. “I’ve decidicated,” Bush said, “that 2007 was a year full of 368 days of mission accomplishment.” The list of his administration’s achievements included:
1. Oil nearing $100 a barrel, a boost to oil companies that will spill onto the American economy
2. Successfully convincing the American people that a troop surge in the Iraqi war is not an escalation
3. rotating millions of homes to new owners who will be more responsible about making their mortgage payments instead of wasting the money on heath care and food
4. Keeping Hurricane Katrina from coming back
5. Only losing one Presidential Press Secretary
6. Keeping impeachment off the table and payments to cronies under the table
7. Showing how much the administration cares about the American people by taking time from their day to listen in on them
8. Keeping Americans safe from the torture of having to worry about global warming, while keeping a warm place in their hearts for torturing enemy combatants
9. Saving Americans from the high cost of providing health care to children, while saving million of stem cells

10. Performing so much singing, dancing, and enhanced truth telling to help keep Americans safe from America’s greatest enemy – a well-informed public.