ROMNEY: IF I CAN’T BUY MICHIGAN VOTES, I’M MAY HAVE TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES
By R J Shulman
SAGANAW, Michigan – In a candid interview with the Post Times Sun Dispatch, Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney said that Michigan is a must win state. “I have spent a fortune and flip-floped all over the place to win the nomination,” he said, “tactics that have worked for most everyone else. If I can’t capture my home state I may have to take drastic measures.”

When asked if he would quit the race if he did not win today, Romney said, “Hell no, I will just have to use my ace in the hole. I am going to sell my soul to the devil.” Romney stated that he has already begun negotiations. The Post Times Sun Dispatch was not able to confirm this report as Dick Cheney was not available for comments.