CHENEY: WATERBOARDING IS AN IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF MY ENTERTAINMENT
By R J Shulman
CHEYENNE, Wyoming – In a message to Congress, who have been looking into the legality of the interrogation procedure commonly know as waterboarding, Vice President Dick Cheney told legislators that waterboarding was “a much needed tool in our arsenal in the global war on my boredom.”

“No, no, you don’t want Cheney bored,” said a Bush Administration spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous, “the last time he went too long without seeing someone tortured , he came up with the bright idea to invade Iraq. An idle Cheney mind is the devil’s playground.”

“He’s just so restless these days,” said another high level source who also wished anonymity. “Footage of bombs going off in Baghdad or repeated viewing of his old torture tapes are just not doing it for him anymore. If we don’t get some fresh torture tapes,” the source continued, “I’m terrified of what Cheney might think of next.”

“He sufferes from ADHD, Acute Detainee Hatred Disorder,” said Dr. Phil Mycuff, a psychologist from George Washington University, “Ridelin has proven ineffective, so the only option for his treatment is for Mr. Cheney to take two aspirin, lay back and watch someone scream and cry under torture.”