BUSH SENT ON TRIP TO DEEPEST DARKEST AFRICA
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – President Bush will begin a five nation good-will tour of Africa today. “I will promoticate American values of unregulated capitalism and how to end poverty, like we did in New Orleans by moving the poor people out. I am much excited about my tour, “the President said, “as I hear Africa has plenty of brush to clear, almost as much as on my ranch.” The tour comes as a surprise but seems to have been prompted by Vice President Dick Cheney who urged the President to undertake his mission.

“I gave him some sound advice, if you will,” said Cheney. “I told him the best way to make friends is to make sure when in Sudan to walk into a mosque during the morning prayers wearing a big cross and say you are on a crusade to be a uniter and not a divider. I also mentioned to him when his is in the wilds of Senegal,” Cheney continued, “to drench himself in antelope blood when approaching a lion who has cubs to show that he is coming in peace.”

The Vice President has denied a rumor that he wanted Bush to be so enraptured with Africa that he wouldn’t come back. “If I wanted him gone,” Cheney told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, “I would have asked him to go hunting.” Speculation has varied from some political analysts thinking that the President is undertaking his trip to show he is a world traveler even to places with little or no oil to some speculating that he is leaving Washington to get a break from the battles with congress over the FISA bills.