CONSERVATIVE PUNDITS EXCITED ABOUT PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES
By R J Shulman
NEW YORK - Conservative talk show hosts are thrilled with this year’s crop of Presidential hopefuls. “We can’t lose,” said Glenn Beck, “George W. Bush ,who has no legacy to stand on, has messed things up so badly that a Dem is sure to be elected, a Dem that we will then blame for the impending collapse of America.”

“Either with McCain’s straight talk or the Democrat gay talk,” said Laura Ingram, “we will have plenty to talk about.” “This is a dream come true for me to be able to go on my rants every night," said Michael Weiner, better known to his fans as Michael Savage, “Hillary will let the disease-ridden foreign speaking illegals into the country, McCain will grant them amnesty and Obama, hell he is one of those disease-ridden foreign speaking illegals.”

Bill O’Reilly echoed the sentiment saying, “I just cant wait for President Obama to get in a big international crisis and say ‘pass me the MF mukes.’” Ann Coulter commented, "wow, I don't know which of them I would like to shoot first." When asked about the candidates, Rush Limbaugh said, “screw them all. Where the hell is my maid with my prescription bottles?”

All the conservative talk show hosts agreed they would prefer President Hillary as they have loads of material about the Clintons that they could recycle. “We could take long vacations,” said Mike Gallagher, “because we could run old shows about Bill Clinton and our listeners would be so caught up in Clinton hating that they'd think the discussion was current.”