USDA ON BEEF RECALL AFTER CONSUMPTION: THE PURGE IS WORKING
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – The United State Department of Agriculture announced today that Americans should not be concerned that the largest recall of beef in US history came after a good portion of the beef had already been eaten. “While there may be some anti-American nay-sayers,” said Dr. Dick Raymond, Undersecretary of Food Safety for the USDA, “we didn’t throw our hands up in defeat and regurgitate loser rhetoric, we came with a plan for Americans to just give a little back when it came to consumption. It other words we called for a purge and all indications are that the purge is working.”

The tainted beef came from the Chino, California slaughter house of the Western/Hallmark Beef Company. Most of the suspect beef went to school lunch programs and some to the aptly named fast food chain, In-N-Out Burger. “The reason the purge is working,” Dr. Raymond said, "was that the USDA hired super models as spokespersons for the purge, "and when it comes to purging, these gals have the training and experience necessary and were ready to give it up for America.”

Upon hearing that much of the possibly contaminated meat had gone to school lunch programs, Barbara Bush said, “the kids who ate the bad beef were underprivileged anyway, so getting the free infected meat worked out pretty well for them.”