SOROS BEHIND HOSTILE TAKEOVER OF DIEBOLD; GOP FURIOUS
By R J Shulman
NORTH CANTON, Ohio – It was revealed today that Democratic Party financier George Soros is behind the VoteMagic Partners Group hostile takeover bid for Diebold, Inc, the Ohio based ATM and voting machine manufacturer. “Say what you will, said Soros, “my takeover of Diebold is both less costly and more efficient at winning elections than using the traditional method of actually campaigning for votes. In the end, it’s not which votes count, it’s who counts the votes.”

Harry Rosten, of the Republican National Committee was understandably angry. “How dare they plagiarize our way of winning elections. We will now have to make sure that all the votes are counted, especially in Florida where we will have to protect against Democrat thugs coming down south to stop the vote and call us ‘sore losers.’” “It is imperative,” said Karl Rove, “to stop the Democrats from abusing the power of the Supreme Court to select the next President and thus, thwart the will of the people.”

Soros is confident that his generous offer will be accepted by the shareholders. “I’m also confident,” said Soros, “that Diebold should be able to announce the vote totals for the 2008 Presidential election well before November.”