BUSH SURPRISED BY DECLINE IN ECONOMY
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – President Bush said today that talk of the US economy being in trouble was “news to me. I’m not sure where these nay saying sayers of negative bad things about America get informed from,” Bush said at a White House press conference, “but all the people I know like my friends at Halliburton and Exxon are firm believers in an especially strong economics.” The President said, “I want to put to rest all the worricated Americans who are worried about recession loving terrorists that we are tapping the wires of the anti-American economy haters who hate us for our economy and who also think that the Iraq war is not going better with our surges, who don’t think that Brownie did a heck of a job when New Orleans got Katrined, or who think that torture is not a good weapon to use to promote freedom and justice.”

The President answered a few questions and ended by saying, “If anyone thinks the economy could use a shot in the stimulous, they should go out and buy some bread or guns or go out and get a new job or two like me for instance when I am not deciding important decisions, I am clearing brush on my ranch.”

“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” said Laura Bush. “If they can’t buy bread, let them eat cake.”