PHARMACEUTICALS FOUND IN WATER SUPPLY, CONSUMERS TO PAY MORE AT THE TAP
By R J Shulman
FLEMING, New Jersey – With the recent discovery of traces of mood stabilizers, hormones, tranquilizers and other drugs in the water supply, pharmaceuticals companies are lobbying Congress to pass a bill that would place a surcharge on the effected water. “We have to be fair,” said Ryan McNabb, a spokesman for Fizer, Inc., “we can’t have some people paying for their medicine while others freeload on the water.”

The proposed language of the bill would also prohibit Americans from crossing the border into Canada to get water. “We must protect the American consumer from Canadian water which may not be safe,” said Wesley Chambers of Merck, Inc. The bill is expected to pass congress. President Bush has promised to sign the bill. “I will put my James Hancock on this law because like me, it supporticates the safteyness of the water and will help prevent the scariest of scaries, socialized water.”