BUSH TOUTS FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF HOMELAND SECURITY
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – President George W Bush led a ceremony at the White House marking the fifth anniversary of the formation of the Office Of Homeland Security, today. “Who would have thought,” the President said, “five years ago that we would not have had another attack on American soil from those terrorist killers.

Of course,” the President continued, “no one could have know that a hurricane could have broken the levies during hurricane season in New Orleans which is in hurricane alley and no once could have known that no putting money into infrastructure stuff could make bridge fall in the ocean between Minneapolis and St. Paul in Wisconsin, and no one could have known that barrels of oil prices going up could make a four dollar gallon of gas that Americans would have to put on their family and no one knew that relaxing regulations about imports from China and sending jobs to China to save money would mean we would get led paint in our food and tainted toys and jobs lost., so don’t be blamicating me.”

The ceremony was cut short when it was discovered that the National Guard and Secret Service personnel needed to protect the nation’s Capital and the President had been recently deployed to Iraq. “Who could have known,” said the President, “that sending all our resources to Iraq to fight them over there so they won’t fight us here, would leave our homeland so unprotecticated.”