BUSH TO SEND CHENEY TO MIDDLE EAST TO “WHIP UP SOME PEACE”
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - President Bush announced today that he will send Vice President Dick Cheney on a five nation mission to the middle east to “whip up some peace.” The President said, “At first, I wanted to send Dick to the Middle West, but my advisors said we had made progress there ‘cause Kansas and Iowa were not fighting anymore on the eve of destruction, so I’m sending him to the Mid-East where I hear there is plenty of un-peace ready to break out.”

“I will be going to visit leaders in the Middle East with my message of hope, “Cheney said, “telling them I hope they’ll do what I want, or else we will hit them again and hit them hard.” “Cheney is such a skillful ambassador,” said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, “he is clearly in the league with the best, like John Bolton.”

“I know that we can get everyone to walk down my roadmap to peace,” Bush said. “I have complete trust in my confidence man, Dick Cheney that he can crusade to get the Arabs on board and convert the Jews to a better way of thinking peaceful thoughts about un-war and stuff.”