BAGHDAD BOB REPLACED BY BAGHDAD BUSH
By R J Shulman
BAGHDAD, Iraq – In a move designed to assure residents, government officials and soldiers in Baghdad that everything is going well, President Bush gave a special address in which he said, “don’t hit the panic buttons, the surge is working and all of our goals are being met.” “The President’s reassurances are welcome music to us,” said Hamid Al-Saleemi, a 34 year old Baghdad unemployed construction worker, “we really miss Baghdad Bob who would tell us that nothing bad was going to happen to our lovely city.”

Baghdad Bob, whose real name is Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf was the Information Minister of Iraq at the beginning of the war who made announcements on Iraqi television that the American troops were ready to surrender when US tanks were only a few blocks from his broadcast studio. He has since become a symbol of government officials who stubbornly refuse to acknowledge facts.

When President Bush was asked where he got the idea to boost the morale of Iraq’s capital city which has seen a surge in violence in the past week, Bush said, “I just reachicated back down into my vast experiences of the past days, I don’t mean when I was dazed, but back when I cheered on the Yale cheerleading team, we yelled ‘two-four-six-eight, we’ll kick their butts ‘cause we are great,’ them cheers cheered up our footballers throwing hoops.”

“This new strategy is working well,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino. “So well, in fact, that the President plans to make cheerful speeches on how the economy is in great shape, that the people of New Orleans have nothing to worry about as the surge of building up the city is working, and for the American people not to worry because their civil liberties are safe and sound.”