IN MOVE TO BE ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY, GENERAL PETRAEUS WILL USE RECYCLED SPEECH TO CONGRESS
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – When General Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker travel to Capital Hill on Tuesday, they promise to be energy efficient by utilizing recycled speeches from their Congressional appearances last September. “There is no need to waste words,” said Patraeus, “so we will say the same thing we said last Fall, and that is that the surge is working and we need six more months to know exactly how well”

The only twist this time is that Patraeus will be testifying before the three leading Presidential candidates. “I’ll tell Senator McCain,” said Patraeus, “that it’s a good thing he knows nothing about economics, or else he’d keel over at the cost of this war. I’ll tell Hillary that it is too early for her to draw down her campaign workers, until Obama has clearly secured control of the Democratic party. And I would tell Obama, heck, I’d say the surge is working and we need six more months to know exactly how well.”

President Bush weighed in on the expected testimony from the Petraeus by saying, “You should pay attention to the General who has troops with boots in the air and like he said, the six months are working and we need more surge to know exactly how well.”