BUSH LABELS NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND TEST AS TERRORIST PLOT
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – The Bush Administration has pulled a test that was slated for the no child left behind program due to its inflammatory content. “The test must have been prepared by Al Qaeda or the Iranians,” said Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings. “The content of this multiple choice test was not only anti-American, it offered no correct answers. How are our children going to affected by having a test where every choice is dead wrong?”

“I was shocked and awed when they read this test to me,” said President Bush, “Education is the bestest way to teachicate our children, and these terrorist killers are trying to catapult the propaganda to our young ones.” “As soon as we find the perpetrators of this attack,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “we will make them take a test where they will get to answer the question, ‘is waterboarding a form of torture?”

The Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained a portion of the now cancelled test that has caused so much controversy. This is an excerpt from the history and politics section:

17. The Unites States will remove its troops from Iraq after:
a. Friends of Bush and Cheney have tapped out all the no-bid contracts possible
b. The US Treasury is completely exhausted
c. Hell freezes over
d. All of the above
18. The difference between President George W. Bush and Adolph Hitler is:
a. Hitler had a moustache
b. Hitler didn’t pretend to be a cowboy
c. Hitler actually got elected
d. All of the above
19. Which of the following phrases has President Bush used to the point of nausea:
a. “We’re making progress”
b. “The surge is working”
c. “Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh,”
d. All of the above
20. Dick Cheney came to the office of Vice President from:
a. Wyoming
b. Halliburton
c. The depths of Hell
d. All of the above
21. If the Founding Fathers were here today and witnessed the Bush Presidency they would:
a. Throw up
b. Start a new Revolution
c. Be sorry the ever founded anything
d. All of the above
Investigators are searching for the source of the bogus document. Ms. Spellings said there should be a new exam in place in time for the next round of testing.