HALLIBURTON ON IRAQ:THE SPLURGE IS WORKING
By R J Shulman
DUBAI – In a report just issued to Congress, Halliburton CEO David Lesar stated that his research of the Iraq war clearly shows that, “the splurge is working.” “The bottom line in the Iraq operation,” wrote Lesar from his new office in the United Arab Eremites, “is frankly, our bottom line.”

“My mother always told me to share,” said President Bush, “and I know she is proud that I have been able to billionaire my friends. I mean, when I blew the lock off Al Gore’s Social Security lock box and saw the treasury, I felt like a candy in a kid’s store.”

“Going to the dark side, if you will,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “takes a lot of green. It’s not cheap to make sure our troops are equipped with state of the art torture equipment.”

“The President’s plan has been working,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino. “First you pass the wealth of the nation to your friends, then you lower their taxes, get rid of capital gains and the estate tax and then you tell the American people to hate welfare cheaters and bozos who took out bad home loans.” “I agree that the splurge has worked for Bush,” said David Ulrich of the Rand Corporation, “W came into office saying that the US Government wasn’t working, then he destroys it, and then he can say that he was right all along.”

While the future of the United States involvement in Iraq is in question when Bush leaves office, Lawrence Sprague, a spokesman for Halliburton subsidiary KBR expressed his support for John McCain. “There is nothing more solid than Senator McCain’s straight talking strategy for Iraq. His well planned hundred-year splurge makes me, well, swoon.”