DESPITE PLEA FROM BUSH TO FIGHT, POPE TURNS OTHER CHEEK TO WAR ON CHRISTMAS
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – During his historic visit to the White House today, Pope Benedict XVI politely rejected President Bush’s request that the Pontiff participate in a troop surge in the War on Christmas. “I tried to explainicate to his highness,” Bush told reporters, “the importance of his supportication of our fight to win the global war on Christmas as America needs Christmas shopping like a dog needs a mouse, like a cat needs a bone and like Rush Limbaugh needs oxycontin. All I asked him to do,” Bush said, “was to say for the American people a few ‘Our Fathers” and ‘Hail Macy’s’”

“Just how un-American can this Pope get,” said Fox’s Bill O’Reilly. “We need all the help we can to save Christmas trees, ornaments and greeting cards and the Pope’s refusal to condemn the terrorist Christmas haters is nothing short of treason from this Pope Benedict Arnold.”

Later today, Vice President Dick Cheney will accompany the Pope on a most American tradition, hunting. “I have this vision,” Cheney said, “that I can get the Pope to change his mind.”