RECENT MINING DISASTERS PROMPTS BUSH ADMINISTRATION TO PUSH FOR TOUGHER BUNKER SAFETY STANDARDS

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - The recent coal mining accidents in Utah and Kentucky have prompted the Bush Administration to call on Congress to toughen the safety regulations regarding underground bunkers. "We don't want to have those cavernous cave kind of cave-ins to happen to our bunkers," said President Bush, "especially since Dick Cheney does his best thinking from those underground bunkers that are built under the ground."

"If the legislature acts like they should and passes this law," said Cheney, "bunker cave-ins will be in their final throes." The legislation is supported by soon to resign Senior Presidential Advisor Karl Rove. "I am happy the bunkers will be safer as I may have to spend alot of time down there."

The bill that will be sponsored by several Republicans, diverts money that was going to be used on coal mine safety to study and enhance bunker safety instead. "That way," said an unnamed White House spokesperson, "we don't have to use more of the people's tax money for this project."