NEW SCIENTIFIC STUDY: ELEPHANTS CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING

by R J Shulman

ATHENS, Ga. -A newly released study conducted at the University of Georgia proporsts to dispell the myth that elephants have a superior memory. "It's quite the opposite," said Clyde Mason, a science professor. "They can't seem to remember a damn thing. Just look at Scooter Libby who couldn't remember a single cogent fact about who outed Valarie Plame."

"The poster child for the forgetful elephant has got to be Alberto Gonzales," said Mason. "He not only can't recall anything that went on in his Justice Department, he seems to have forgotten that he took the oath to protect the US Constitution." "Actually all of the elephants seem to have forgotten that one," said fellow scientist Hallie Johnson, "as they continue to stomp all over it."