NFL TO PURGE LOSING TEAMS
by R J Shulman
NEW YORK – Taking a page from the Michael Vick playbook, the National Football League will execute players from losing teams right after they suffer their loss. “We saw how much publicity Michael got for executing dogs that lost their fights,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, “so we will do the same with the losing players.” “Not only should this be a boost to the popularity of football,” said New York Giant’s owner John Mara, “but it should help with the salary caps as there are a lot of overpaid guys who just don’t give it their all.”

The executions will start with the 2008 season to allow players the option to break their contract if they disapprove of the new rules, according tho an NFL spokesperson. "We are not sure whether we will shoot, electrocute or send out crazed pit bulls to kill the losers,” said former NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, “but it should keep people in the stands to share in the family value of revenge against the players who once again have dashed their hopes of a Superbowl ring for their city.”

“In addition to sprucing up the excitement of the game Goodell said, “we will be adding a team in Los Angeles, a market that is desperate for a franchise. They’ll be called the LA Christians whose first game will be at the Coliseum where they will play the Detroit Lions in a winner take all game.”