MCCAIN SAYS THAT HIS CAMPAIGN IS SAFE
By R J Shulman
LACONIA, N.H. – Despite the recent loss of chief strategist John Weaver and campaign manager, Terry Nelson, John McCain (R-Az.) remained upbeat as he made a campaign appearance at an Ace Hardware store in this quiet New Hampshire town. “I can walk into my campaign headquarters in broad daylight and feel completely safe,” said a smiling McCain as he addressed a small crowd milling around the front of the store.

“He has lost touch with reality,” said Jack Lions, a former McCain staffer, as he stood by the power sanders, “each day that passes, people in McCain's campaign offices are dropping like flies. “McCain, McShane,” said Millie Windham, a fifth grade teacher at Jefferson Middle School who walked right past the Presidential hopeful on her way to aisle three, “I came here because I heard tools were 50% off and I need a pair of pliers to open my stuck desk drawer.” “I didn’t recognize him either,” said Heather Carr, a dental technician from nearby Guilford, “I thought he was part of a Mr. Clean promotion, but Mr. Clean usually looks a little happier.”

McCain is trying to shore up his flagging campaign amidst the loss of key personnel and the disclosure that his campaign is down to its last $250,000 dollars.