FOR JULY FOURTH HOLIDAY, BUSH DECLARES HIS INDEPENDENCE FROM THE CONSTITUTION

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In keeping with the theme of the July 4th holiday, President Bush announced his independence from the the United States Constitution. "If they had only told me," the President said in his statement, "that the doument that I was supposed to uphold was even older than my mother, I would never have signed that pledge."

"While the President has unoffically ignored that tyrannical document," said Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow, "he is now offically free of its oppressive restrictions." "What a heddy week," said Fox new's Brit Hume, "first he grants freedom to the unfairly persecuted Scooter Libby and now this declariation of ultimate freedom." Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who approved of the President's action said,"now we really don't need no stinkin' warrants."

"This brings back an old family value," said talk show host Rush Limbaugh, "more specifically a royal family value, namely, the triumphant return of the devine right of kings." "The Constitution, if you will," said Vice President Dick Cheney, face sooty from a recently burned document, "is in its final throes."