CHENEY, GONZALES TO END CONGRESSIONAL FINGER POINTING
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a move to counter the increasing questioning of their job performance by Congress, Vice President Dick Cheney and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales in a preemptive strike are authorizing that each member of Congress have their fingers removed. "It will be all of their fingers," said a beaming Cheney, "so you can say, if you will, that their digits are in their final throes."

"This is perfectly legal under the Geneva Convention," said Alberto Gonzales ,"because just like the enemy combatants in the war on terror, members of congress do not wear uniforms."

"We didn't quite have enough votes to override a Republican fillibuster of a bill that would protect the fingers of Americans ," said Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, "but we will put this to a test in September when we can ask Cheney and Gonzales to show us benchmarks as to why they should not remove our hands."