CHENEY MOVES TO ABOLISH GOVERNMENT
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After being pressured to disclose information concerning his energy policy, the Valerie Plame outing and repeated requests regarding what classified data his office holds, Vice President Dick Cheney has countered by issuing a two part edict that states that he does not have to comply with any of these requests as he is not part of the Executive Branch of Government and that, beginning immediately, he has ordered the downsizing of the Federal Government. “The American people have told us repeatedly that they want smaller government,” Cheney said, “and this new policy will do just that by eliminating the entire Federal Government except me and my staff.”

“Some people have accused me of thinking I am above the law,” Cheney said, “nothing could be more preposterous as how can a person be above themselves?” “This bold new governmental structure will eliminate the strife and partisan politics that have plagued the U S Government in recent years,” said a Cheney spokesperson who refused to identify themselves. “Besides,” said another secret spokesperson, “the elimination of all those jobs and ridiculous pensions will save the taxpayer a bundle.”

Not all agree that this new plan will save money. “I don’t really see much savings,” said recently fired Government Accounting Office manager Cedric Sampson, “as the plan calls for all the money that would normally have gone to pay government salaries, Congress, and Federal Agencies and Governmental services to instead go to Halliburton to build some kind of massive structures here in the United States. It was not clear what they contemplate building,” Sampson continued, “but much of the money is slated to be used for concrete and barbed wire.”