IMMIGRATION BILL: NEW BUSH COMPROMISE WILL GRANT AMMNESTY TO HIS ENTIRE ADMINISTRATION
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D. C. - In a move to resurrect his comprehensive immigration reform bill from certain defeat, President Bush made changes in his proposed legislation that would remove any possible amnesty for illegal immigrants and instead grant amnesty to his entire administration. “If you want to scare the American people,” Bush said in Des Moines, Iowa at a rally to support his immigration bill, “just tell them a bill means granting amnesty to nasty people who snuck in here from the south and speak Spanish. My new bill grants amnestification to people who are not those enemy combatant kind of darker people, but, you know, more like my kind of people. Actually they are my people.”

“This new bill,” said Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow, “solves the problem of the split in the Republican base over immigration. It allows the employers a shot at the low cost labor pool without having to give those people equal citizenship rights, yet moves any amnesty issues to people that base can support. Heck most of the base may need amnesty by the end of this administration.”

When asked if he supported the bill that would grant amnesty to administration officials who had violated the law, Vice President Dick Cheney said, “would you rather grant that immunity to people who were born over there or to those who were born over here?”